We are but two gentlemen living in a savage age

Tales From the Trenches: Extracts of letters from two men who should know better

Make of this what you will, I am far too drunk to explain myself.

"I (on the other hand) am Heraclitus ... I am a crippled genius
who fuelled by cheap larger and subversive literature am on the
verge of "my big break through" ... why would you interrupt me
in this way you bastard!!"

"WELL NOW THE TABLES HAVE TURNED YOU LENINIST SCUM ... for I am the great pamphleteer and I will out-do you any day ... put this
grand theory to the test at a NHS demonstration this Saturday ...ONLY ANARCHISTS ARE PRETTY ..."

"It all started at base camp with drinking games, lipstick and a healthy dose of funk..."

"I’m starting toget some real ugly looks from the clientele. They don't like bearded queers in places like this, especially one who would have the gall to express his desire for sodomy in such a blatant and eccentric manner."

"All we need do is dress him up in some sparkly hot pants and we’ll have our own pederast magnet, they’ll flock to you, ready for you to exploit them in the name of social science."

"Many plans have been proposed, including acquiring a miniature owl to perform errands around the house"

"After much internal deliberation I have decided to stick with the lemons, they provide me with more intelligent conversation."

"I have become an insane hermit living off the scraps in my cupboards, I am a philosopher, and I have become some kind of bastard love child of Zarathustra, Diogenes and Schopenhauer."

"In a rich man's house there is no place to spit but his face."

That is all.

Not now Margaret!

Just a quick blog to provide a few brief updates and anecdotes. I have been seriously neglecting this site recently, mainly due to an ungodly amount of work and personal projects that have been underway but anyway, into the void we go.

Firstly, anyone interested in up and coming comedy keep an eye out for Dan Atkinson who I recently saw at my University bar. Within 5 seconds on stage Dan had managed to offend a group of burly rugby players dressed as schoolboys (school disco night) by accusing them of being paedophiles and opened up old wounds between an ex-couple sitting in the front row. Looking like some kind of dishevelled homeless Jesus he proceeded to wheel through 3 20-minute sets like it was child’s play. He had the whole audience in stitches, those who wasn’t personally offending at the time that is. Anyway, if you get a chance, go and check him out. I’ve put a link to his site on the right.

Secondly, an amusing situation in Sainsburys last week that I’d like to share. I live in Norwich, relatively close to the recent bird flu scare and I was amused in a darkly terrified way to see how they corporate food stores had gone to every length to contain the risk. Some hapless drone announces over the speakers “all turkey products now 75% off” and the hapless fools shopping obediently trot off to buy the stuff. Its good to see that both corporate integrity and public intelligence are both still held to such rigorously high standards.

Thirdly, I have been involved in a project named ‘tales from the trenches’ started by friend Chris. It essentially involves twisted and weird correspondence between the two of us. I am debating whether or not to put it on the site. We shall see. A real update soon I hope.

Don’t impose your morality! That’s our job.

If anyone needed any more proof that the Daily Mail and religious organisations are nothing but intolerant bigots then you have to look no further than the controversy over the recent Gay rights bill being debated in Parliament tonight.

Looking at the arguments that Christian groups and the right wing press have put forward it becomes infinitely clear that the higher moral purpose the profess to represent is merely a smoke screen for hypocritical intolerance with a deeply conservative agenda. The Archbishop of Birmingham Vincent Nichols, head of the UK Catholic church has claimed that the new gay rights bills proposed by the government are forcing a new morality on Christian communities. The response to this is hardly surprising; the moral bulldogs have been unleashed and have shown their true colours shattering the illusion that the Church is founded universal doctrine of peace, love, tolerance and understanding.

Anyone with an IQ larger than their shoe size should be able to spot some fairly obvious hypocrisy here: Christianity, as well as other religions, is based on a long history of moral authoritarianism and conformity. Apparently it is perfectly acceptable for a Christian to preach endlessly about moral bankruptcy and the like but as soon as the process is reversed it becomes a case of moral imperialism.

It should also be noted how the Catholic Church in the UK have decided to deal with this problem, it is a plan that essentially involves holding an elected government hostage by those who have moral authority bestowed upon them by a fictional being in the sky. Catholic churches and organisations have stated that they would be willing to close adoption agencies and remove and funding for schools that are willing to deal with Gay couples. Any Christian that claims to believe in universal love, care and tolerance and then is prepared to isolate and ruin the lives of children instead of allowing them access to a supportive family environment and decent education is quite simply a cunt. There is no polite way to say it; they are ignorant, intolerant imbeciles.

The issue in this debate is not over whether Christians should be allowed to protest this decision, it is over the alleged persecution of an extremely privileged group, after all only the Anglican church is officially represented in a legislative body. The right to protest is of course a fundamental right and any group that has a grievance against the government should be allowed to do so, but it is an absolute lie and total hypocrisy for religious and right wing groups to claim that they are doing so for the moral framework of our country, that is no more than a different kind of moral domination. It is about time that religious leaders stopped being so selective over who applies to their apparently universal doctrines and stop using moral standards as a smoke screen for their own intolerance, ignorance and agendas.

The Political Alphabet

Following a recent conversation with a Primary School teacher in the making a close friend and I have compiled a list that we think should be taught to Kids instead of the mundane "A is for Apple" stuff. Enjoy.

A is for Anarchist
B is for Bolshevik
C is for Capitalism
D is for Descartes
E is for Engels
F is for Facism
G is for Governance
H is for Hegel
I is for Internationalism
J is for Jacobin
K is for Khmer Rouge
L is for Lenin
M is for Marcuse
N is for Nietzsche
O is for Oligarchy
P is for Patriarchy
Q is for QUANGO
R is for Regime
S is for State
T is for Trotsky
U is for Utopia
V is for Vanguardism
W is for Weatherman
X is for Xenophanes
Y is for Yippie
Z is for Zedong

Finally an update

Firstly apologies to the one or two people who glance at this blog from time to time. I have pretty much ignored this site for the last month, mainly due to end of semester craziness and work and also the weird sitution where my laptop froze up every time i tried to log in. Anyway, I'm back in the suburbs for the best part of a month now so i should start posting fairly regularly again soon, i am incredibly bored and my staring at the ceiling is starting to get a little old.
Ta for now

The Death of Mr Lazarescu

A stark Romanian film about the last two and a half hours of an elderly mans life and the indifference he faces in his suffering and various indignities. The film plays out with a single handheld camera in real time, this makes the film almost torturous to watch in places. There is also a darkly comic undertone in the film that you can’t help but smirk at in places. If that seems like an odd way to start a film review then all I can say is that the death of Mr Lazarescu is a very odd film.

Starting in a run down flat in Bucharest covered in filth and surrounded by cats Mr Lazarsecu lives his lonely life. After complaining of headaches and stomach pains and being given a series of seemingly endless lectures over his drinking habits he finally collapses vomiting blood.

Mioara, a middle aged paramedic is called to pick up and take Mr Lazarescu to the local hospital for diagnoses. What follows is two hours of apathetic, often abusive doctors; jam packed waiting rooms, inefficiency and negligence. Mr Lazarescu, a smelly, alcohol abuser is treated cynically and cruelly, or at best condescendingly by almost every medical professional he encounters.

One of the doctors accuses Mr Lazarescu of being a attention seeking, child beating drunk while another doctor simply refuses to treat Mr Lazarescu as he won’t sign a permission slip for surgery, despite the fact that he is near comatose and delusional; the doctor is far more concerned with finding a mobile phone charger and putting down Mr Lazarescu’s one carer; the paramedic Mioara. She faces endless abuse at the hands of doctors and nurses who insult her for attempting to diagnose Mr Lazarescu, ad well as her attempts to get him treated, apparently stepping out of her place as a lowly paramedic, this provides a vicious attack on the inefficiency and rigidity of hierarchical bureaucracy.

The obstacles that are in Mr Lazarescu’s way range from these examples of outright failure of professional medical conduct and more human failings. Some of the medical staff are simply bored and exhausted of working 12 hour shifts while others are dubious of Mr Lazarescu’s chances of survival, whether he is treated or not. As one doctor sarcastically quips when asked about the recommended course of treatment for Mr Lazarescu, ‘put him in the crematorium, he keeps complaining he’s cold anyway’.

The lack of any notable score, and the use of a single camera give the film a semi documentary feel. The use of a handheld gives the impression of there always being a detached observer to the events, adding to the feeling of apathy and indifference towards another human being. The use of real time, or as close to real time as cinema will allow, and the plodding plot is perfect for showing the inevitability and melancholy of the slow decline towards death and the final few hours of a persons life. As the film draws to a close, and Mr Lazarescu lies naked and shaved for surgery all alone on a cold steel table waiting for death or salvation at the hands of a surgeon we are meant to feel compassion for his plight, something which very few of the characters have done.

The one problem with the film is that the slow pace can be a little infuriating at first and this is the films greatest weakness. The first hour is all waiting, and could have easily been cut in half and still made its point, demonstrating the monotony of the old mans life. This constant sense of reality and circling the drain gives the film its unique appeal, something that definitely draws you in and grows on you as it builds towards its subdued conclusion.

Can you really expect any less of a Tankie?

For those of you that don’t know, a Tankie is a left winger who supported the Soviet Union even after they crushed the democratic movements in 1956 Hungary and 1968 Eastern European movements, all in the name of protecting democracy and national freedom of course. John Reid, the current home secretary, is a Tankie.

Looking at the home secretary’s current record it becomes fairly obvious that this love of authoritarianism has not left him, in fact it has taken on new dimensions; the prejudices of middle class nationalism. It should come as no surprise to see John Reid’s latest policy proposal, the power for police to evict neighbours who have loud parties and other such anti social behaviour. Could Reid be pandering to Daily Express readers any more? He could, but only if he somehow related it to house prices. Constantly.

The proposed policy, which will allow police officers to issue immediate bans and fines to a wide array of behaviour. Now aside from the fact that this policy is quite simply middle class bullshit I noticed something else in Reid’s proposal. He has been quoted in today’s Guardian claiming that we need to ‘move away from the traditional view that justice has to involve going to court’. He also stated that ‘the problem we face is what I call a justice shortfall. That is the difference – sometimes big – between what you and I think is justice, and what a lawyer or a legal academic might think it is. My kind of justice is swift effective and matches the crime’.

Perhaps I am being an elitist liberal minded leftie, but what the hell is John Reid on? Criminals going to court?! That’s bleeding heart bullshit; Hell, what we should do is lynch them in the street, especially if they are a bit shifty looking. In the context of the anti social behaviour laws these proposals are bad enough, but supposing that John Reid’s ideas carry over into other areas of social life, such as the right to protest. Is it inconceivable that John Reid may try and bring in legislation to allow police to arrest or fine anyone demonstrating in the street against the government? Maybe I’m old fashioned, but generally speaking court where suspects should go to be tried. Surely, and I am of course assuming based on some kind of blind optimism, that the majority of people aren’t fucking morons. Unlike Mr Reid I assume that most people believe that lawyers, judges and academics that specialise in law know a hell of a lot more than the average person about the intricacies of legal justice. I’m not defending lawyers and judges, I don’t even like most of them, and I’m not saying that people shouldn’t have their own opinions on justice and the law but I will give lawyers the benefit of the doubt in the majority of legal matters.

And what is Mr Reid’s idea of justice anyway? Recent debates and policy issues have shown him to be an authoritarian who attempts to remove safeguards and civil rights in order to ‘speed up justice’ as he puts it. It seems that justice is sped up most when dealing with the poor, minorities, immigrants and dissenters. A notable example to the contrary is the BNP and their recent court ‘victory’ and its relation to the debate of free speech. This is a situation where John Reid is against pushing through new laws and powers to remove free speech, anyone else a little troubled by this? Free speech and action should be preserved, but it should apply to everyone, no matter what their political beliefs and not just white middle class nationalists. It seems that this is something John Reid takes issue with; all I can hope is that he doesn’t have any control over the Territorial armies armoured divisions; there might still be some residual Tankie urges that he hasn’t quite rid himself of.